The Dream

Everything I know and everything I have learned came thanks to the surprise that life had in store for me: MS (Multiple Sclerosis), a supposedly incurable and degenerative disease. All of what I write, even if it is not specifically related to it, came from the broadening of awareness that I got in and through the process of learning to deal and eventually heal from illness.

Extract from the book: HOPE BEYOND ILLNESS – A guide to living WELL with a chronic condition. 

I wake up startled and simply knowing for certain. In the dream I am in a small theater. There are three lines of seats in front of the stage and three on its right side. I am sitting in the second row in front of the stage. To my left, two men sit quietly in the second row by the side of the stage, shining. A woman walks onto the stage, barefoot, holding a beautiful wooden classical guitar in her right hand. She is ancient. Not 120, but rather 350 years old. She is wearing a very light white nightgown. She sits on a tall stool at center stage, places her guitar on her lap and starts playing the most astounding and powerful “cante jondo” — Flamenco music.

Just like mine, her hands are completely scrunched. How can she play like that, I wonder? I am in awe. All of a sudden, one of the men sitting at the side of the small stage signals me with his head, “Go on… go thank her!”
“Are you kidding?” I think. “No way!” my body and my intention respond. She scares the hell out of me.
“Go up there and thank her!” he orders telepathically. “Just go and thank her!” he insists emphatically with his head.
“NO WAY ON EARTH!” I gesture back.

– I wake up knowing. She is my illness. And she is to be my guide, to show me the way.
The message of these two spiritual beings was that I must be grateful for this condition and the reality that it will bring. Grateful? But how?
This was the  question from the very beginning of the journey:
What if this is a gift?
If in fact it was, then I had to change my relationship with the illness. If I just looked at the image of the dream, my disease (she) came from ancient times, was wise, extremely talented and sounded awesome.

What if our most difficult problems and most painful hardships were a gift?

This dream and this inquiry remained as an open question, in the back of my mind, through all the years to come… what if… what if…